If i could, i would.

im writing here cos nobody reads you.

im feeling extremely terrible now.

i slept late and woke up early, din go to church. cos i know, i would be a total emotional wreck there.

talking about sleeping late, i managed to catch a few hours of sleep and woke up at like 5 plus am, the moment when i opened my eyes, i cried… it was those feeling when you are semi conscious but you know exactly whats happening. I cried, and cried, till my eyes died on me, i slept again. woke up at like 8 plus, feeling shitty.

IDK.

i read thru the messages, i don sound mean, seriously, i dont. but idk why, at that moment, i feel like telling you what’s happening to me, and all the emotions that are evoked throughout.

just yesterday, rright before everything happen, guess what, i read thru the mails you sent me, and i cried. not because of anything, is because that’s this pang of feeling that reminds me of the pain we’ve been thru. suddenly i thought, why things changed so much. and i thought, its ok. cos im gonna cherish you even more after all those happened.

and the night, things are said, clear.

made my stand.

cos i know, no matter what we do, we can never have the same love twice.

 

/ i didn make use of the chance to get rid of you, i really didnt. but i know, who will believe me.

not making a living here anymore. bye suckers, this journal from now will be a past tense.

stop my tear glands

i woke up, with a very empty heart, swollen eyes, yet a heart soaked in acid that chants, i miss you.

Sigh, im just very weak. I hope i can stop crying and really start to move on, even the life without him from now on. Cos it’s not possible to go back to the past. Im afraid, the next time i will experience this again. Anybody sane will not want to go thru this over and over again.

Jusst let this be over.

Heal me, heal my eyes, heal my broken heart, heal my unwanted soul, heal him. Though he seems to be ok, deep down, he must have missed the times we spend together, unless, unless, unless, he didnt? Which this i dont want to know….! I don want to know anymore things about him anymore. But im jus lying, i will want to…i will want to know each and every happening about him. I will want to know how’s he, have he eaten, did he sleep well..

Foolish me…..):

someone, stop my tear glands.

 

ANybody wants to accompany me through the emo journeys to and fro from school? I just cant stand crying madly in the train itself. at least when im with a person, he or she can shuff a tissue to me, to wipe away the tears, that flow in and out of the day, on the pillow, everywhere that we used to be.

I feel like going to a secret place tonight. Best time to finish assignments. Tmr is DEADLINE. Its good, really good.

I dono what im blogging, im off. Sigh, what a life.

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Im not ok

EDITED/

 

JUST GIMME A BREAK. PLEASE. I NEED TO BE ALONE, ANYTHING U THINK U NEED TO TELL ME, NOT NOW.

I JUST WANT A LOOOONG BREAK. PLEASE. DO ME THIS FAVOUR.

 

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IDK

 

Write 20 random facts about yourself,

01. High forehead
02. Super messy
03. Ugly handwriting
04. Always down on luck

05. coulrophobiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa :S :S

06.doesn’t talk much(really)
07.SUPER FLEXIBLE!!!!!!! Good thing ?
08. report yet to be done, everything’s not done.
09.love and hate for overdressing. sorry overdressers and scene makers.
10. Luv the smell of vanilla candles <3
11.Visit disneyland till im bored, but i never will!
12. lotsa things running thru my mind now
13. luv potatoes HAHAHA!

14. don’t shop, YESSA you hear me right.
15.secretly wants hair to be super long!
16. likes to peel my lips:/
17.till it bleed
18. and start peeling again

19. till i can’t take it
20.then i will stop

Be happy mitch^^

last week was a relatively busy week, with lots of events going on. Prayer and power night, RAGE awareness, impromptu meet ups, ACJC band concert, and a week with lots of whirly waves of ups and downs. So it was a rollercoaster week. But nonetheless, it was also a week with much of God’s presence and help. Yeap, he is really awesome.

Hope this week will be a merry go round week ok?

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It’s getting harder and harder to breathe… it’s getting tougher and tougher just to carry on with more faith and confidence… It’s disheartening to know, to know something you shouldn’t know.

Outstanding, the brightest amongst the others, needs not only hardwork, it requires something else, the inner structure inside us. And, unfortunately i don have it. I don have the inner talent, pratically, i’ve nothing to unleash, i’ve nothing to let people be proud of me.

To be honest and as a matter of factly, Im not hardworking AT ALL. Im so not on task, and my class people often call me last min girl, trust me, when you all call me that, I laughed, yeah i do, but it’s not funny at all. Its my bad, totally my fault for not doing anything at all which i find myself very helpless. And yes, i find difficulties when it comes to submissions and all, i produced mediocre works. I hate the feeling, the feeling of not being proud of my work.

I often asked, what time you slept last night? Generally, i will be replied with either”i din sleep at all. barely slept leh. hmm bout 4am?”

Inside Im thinking, drats, cos they have both talents, skills and perseverance. I have nothing, i don have what they have. And i also sleep at 2plus am….just because i couldn’t sleep, not because im rushing work. Like drats, hate myself reacting this way and do nothing about it.

You know what? You guys will make it far, make it big. You guys will shine, and some of you all will shine with absolute glow, and im just one of the star that is broken, unable to glow, eventually into dust.

They say break it or make it.

Im breaking it soon, and like snap, broken.